The holidays can be a difficult time of year, especially when dealing with family relationships that are strained or even broken. Whether it’s the holidays or any other family gathering, your relationships with your relatives will always influence how you view yourself and others around you (Brown University, 2022). It can be hard to navigate these situations, and it may feel like there is no solution in sight.
However, there are measures that you can take to reduce tension during holidays and family gatherings to make them as pleasant as possible.
First and foremost, set realistic expectations for yourself and those involved. Recognize that each person has feelings about the holidays and associated relationships, so it’s important to respect everyone’s boundaries (Pillemer, 2021). If you feel a discussion is necessary, try to start the conversation in an open and non-confrontational manner.
Additionally, be mindful of how much time you spend with family members and take breaks if needed. It’s ok to set boundaries and priorities like this, so don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for taking some time away. Allow yourself room to breathe and practice self-care when needed.
Finally, holidays can also be an excellent opportunity to reconnect with family members who may have been distant. Use your best judgment, but holiday gatherings are often seen as a place for forgiveness, renewal, and strengthening bonds between family members regardless of past issues or disagreements (Schwartz, 2022).
With family dynamics and relationships at stake, it takes work to survive the holidays unscathed. Here are some tips on how to make it through family Christmas with your sanity intact:
1. Prepare yourself mentally beforehand. We all have family members that sometimes rub us the wrong way. Acknowledge and accept these family dynamics before heading into family gatherings, so you can be prepared to handle any uncomfortable situations.
2. Assume the best intentions of others. Not everyone’s family is perfect, but it helps to remind ourselves that we all have family members that love and care for us, even if they don’t always express it in the way we would like.
3. Don’t get dragged into family feuds. If the family drama does arise, try to be respectful of others’ feelings and avoid getting dragged into arguments or debates about who is right and wrong.
4. Step away when needed. It’s ok to take a break from family gatherings if you need it. Walking or heading outside for fresh air can help clear your head and give you the space to reset.
By taking care of yourself and being mindful of family dynamics, Christmas with family can be a time of love and appreciation. Contact one of our counselors here for more information on navigating complicated relationships.
Resources
Brown University. (2022) Understanding Dysfunctional Relationship Patterns in Your Family. https://www.brown.edu/campus-life/support/counseling-and-psychological-services/dysfunctional-family-relationships
Pillemer, Karl. 2021. Holiday “hacks” for dealing with family over the holidays. Cornell University. https://news.cornell.edu/media-relations/tip-sheets/holiday-hacks-dealing-family-over-holidays
Schwartz, Allan. (2022) Holidays and Family Conflict. https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/holidays-and-family-conflict/
